It has been a busy couple of days working on revising and editing The Last Gladiator! Here’s a few of the better edits (or perhaps, needed edits/revisions). The big take aways for me, as usual are…
- Passive Voice Vs Active Voice
- Show don’t tell
- Massive (one of my beta readers noticed this, I did a find/replace search, and ended up with 22 uses of the word in just 39,000 words. Eek!
Read on to find some more not so elegant pieces of writing of mine.
He had anticipated that move, lifting his leg and foot to crush her spear beneath his steel toothed boot. Editors Note: Wouldn’t the foot be lifted with the leg? Oops!
“Crazy women. Definitely not gladiator material.” His mutters followed the elevator as it slowly ascended. This came after an extended argument. But who is muttering and how is it following the elevator?
Lucia immediately nicknamed him “Injured” even though he was probably simply annoyed. Naming opponents injured or uninjured makes my life difficult and doesn’t help anyone to read the story! Got to give them new names.
The Her breastplate smacked the rim of the chariot smacked into her breastplate, knocking the breath out of her. Grr Passive voice! My bane!
Then again, my first novel’s opening line had a great line involving Julius and a wench, not the wrench he was supposed to be tightening.
Still lots to do!
Ciao!
Modern Papyrus 